Needing help as partner of apnea sufferer

My husband has horrible untreated sleep apnea. Like he sits down and falls asleep. He is 40, and has had it for at least the last 12 years, progressively worse. And even when he’s not asleep, if you watch his breathing he’s having “apnea” spells while awake (only way I can explain it ). Aside from the fact that he is constantly falling asleep which is just annoying-especially for our 8 year old. His mood is awful. Bad mood swings, fine one second angry the next, or depressive. I am almost 100 percent sure this is due to the apnea. His oxygen is dipping into the low 80s with oxygen on!!(he ended up in the ER a bit ago for a kidney stone, and the ER nurse put him on oxygen and told me he wasn’t even in the typical deep sleep before the apnea was starting. Of course also told me he needed a machine like yesterday. ) He’s up 4, 5 times a night to use the restroom. He claims this is because of the way fluid resettled when he’s laying down. I’m not buying it- but he insists that’s what the dr he saw for his kidney stone said.

Long story short. He needs to start being treated for this. He won’t listen to family, friends, ect. He attempted a sleep study about 5 years ago and walked out within 30 minutes when they , of course, put a mask on him right away. His brother wears a mask and tells him all the time how much it helps. Honestly, I’m afraid he’s either going to have a heart attack or sudden death during sleep or some sort of accident. I also dont sleep well because hes so loud snoring and talking in his sleep (much worse than it’s ever been), and the constant up and down to the restroom. But I can at least take a nap during the day, since I’m a stay at home mom.

Any tips, ideas? Anything I can try to make him see the “writing on the wall” if he continues to ignore this.

I wish there were some way to convince your partner to at least do a sleep study again. The doc could prescribe a sleeping pill to help get through the test. The symptoms seem similar to my own before getting treated.

You may want to Google and get some health risk statistics, what CPAP is and does, mask and machine info, sleep study, etc.

On masks: Does your partner mouth breathe any? If not, consider a nasal or nasal pillow mask. These aren’t as invasive as a full face mask. I use ResMed nasal N30i and nasal pillows P30i along with my full face F20.

Maybe if you did a video of your partner sleeping as evidence of what you believe are apnea events.

Hope this helps somehow.

Thank you for your reply. He is a mouth breather at night (and has started during the day also. His day breathing has started to resemble a but quieter Darth Vader.). He tried a mouth guard similar to a protective mouth guard for sports that was supposed to help snoring for three days. He got it from Amazon, and he said it kept falling out. I’m not sure why. It didn’t help with the snoring either. He was desperate to not wake up to use the restroom, so he tried unisom. I think the 3rd day of that he took 3 pills. Which of course didn’t stop him from waking up “to use the restroom.” I don’t think his bladder has anything to do with why he’s getting up. I think his body is doing “spontaneous arousal” to jolt his brain/body from dying (or something similar.) He did sleep on and off for almost 24 hours after the 3 unisoms. But it was not good sleep. Just today he woke up at 1130am after going to bed at 1030pm. But yet, as soon as he sat on the couch- snoring. We- his family, friends, and myself- have all showed him statistics, side effects, ect of not treating this. He just gets mad. My SIL even told him about her boss that died suddenly in his sleep from sleep apnea. He doesn’t seem to care, or think it will happen to him. He never tells me when he is seeing his doctor until after he’s gone to see her, so I can’t even go and bring it up to his doctor. Aside from the effect its having on his health, its also very hard on everyone else because of the mood swings, irritability, ect that it is causing.
When he had the attempted sleep study 5 years ago they diagnosed him right then with severe sleep apnea. Sent him home same day with a temporary machine, ect, when he walked out. He just gave away the parts and refused to use it. I’m just frustrated and unsure what else I can do.

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I feel for you really. My aunt gets very upset when I suggest she gets checked for apnea. She doesn’t sleep well and snores, snorts and etc. Can’t make her do it though.

Awww Sweetie - I wish I had some help for you. My hubby is the same way. We got him tested (I KNEW he was apneic - we have been married for almost 35 years), and then he got the machine. He hated it and only used it three times before he returned everything and gave up on it. I was horrible (around 94 events an hour, with each event lasting from 10 - 20 seconds), but he was worse. Then it took me 9 months to get everything straight, so none of that has helped convince him. However, and this is big, now that I have it straight, I am sleeping wonderfully well with 100 points out of 100 points pretty much every night on the ResMed site. My weight is coming down slowly, and my energy is rapidly going up. All great things, and now he is considering trying the machine again. Is he aware of the results of not getting it taken care of? Like accidents in the car, strokes, heart problems, etc.? Not that he will listen necessarily… :frowning: I wish you the best of luck with yours.

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Thanks but she’s kinda strong on don’t bother breaching subject so I’m just leaving it. There comes a time to draw the line between wanting to help and destroying your own self peace. Line drawn…

:slight_smile: I hear you! Best luck with that too!

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For people who can’t/won’t do CPAP there are simple devices that can help if the sleep apnea is caused by open-mouth sleeping. Maybe he would go for that? My brother-in-law wouldn’t go for a sleep test but clearly had severe apnea. For Christmas I got him a Knightsbridge Dual Band chin strap and he’s been wearing it and it’s working for him! (Don’t bother with the cheap neoprene chin straps on Amazon. They wrap around the tip of your chin and push your jaw directly into your jaw joint, the worst angle possible for comfort and effectiveness.)

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Here is the website Knightsbridge Dual Band Chin Strap